To Those Who Are Thinking of Leaving-

There are some random days in my life that make me strangely nostalgic, and Super Bowl Sunday is one of those days.

I remember watching a Super Bowl in a bean bag chair as a kid, I remember watching it at a Baptist church in college (where they turned it off for all the beer ads), I remember watching it at Jason's house in college during the infamous "wardrobe malfunction", and I remember watching it six years ago.

This weekend is always significant for me, and as I stopped to get gas tonight at what has become my neighborhood gas station all of those memories came flooding back to me.

Six years ago this weekend, I was a wide eyed, eager, ready to get started, recent grad from college, and I was driving to northern Virginia to interview for another job as a church musician. I had driven to Georgia, Kentucky, and interviewed over the phone in places from Michigan to Texas. In many ways, this was just another interview, and I had gotten used to those.

What would I say to that girl at 24? I was thinking a lot tonight about what I would have done at that time if I knew all that was going to happen during these six years. Would I have turned around and high tailed it back to my North Carolina roots? What if I told myself that in the next six years I would-

Have six different roommates
Have four different jobs (one of them twice)
Date, fall in love, and have my heart broken
Question most everything I had always known to be true
Move three different times
Lose one of my best friends
Gain countless more
Reconnect with one of my dear friends from high school
Experience one of the darkest times in my life
Grow to know myself so much better than I ever did before


In these six years I have met so many people that it's hard to imagine my life without. Six years ago tonight I watched part of the game at Sarah's house in Baltimore and then we drove around and listened to my XM radio that she had just bought me. Six years ago, I stopped at what has become my neighborhood gas station, having no clue that six years later I would stop there again, as just another stop in my everyday life.

If I had told myself six years ago that I would no longer be working for the church, and have no more desire to do so, I probably would have stayed in North Carolina and continued to look for work. Why would a recent graduate with a degree in church music want to move somewhere knowing that in six years she would be a full time nanny only using her music degree in community theater?

I'm glad I didn't know all of that then because I have to admit that I'm pretty happy with who I am. I've done dumb things, but I'm happy with where I am because of those things.

Am I better for these past six years? Sometimes the doubt comes into my mind that moving here was a mistake, that the growing pains I have experienced couldn't possibly be part of a Divine plan.

But, if these six years have taught me anything, it's to do the best with what you've got, to lean on those you love (and who love you back), and that there's always a way out.

If you're thinking of leaving, listen to six years saying to you "if it works out, do it. You will be stretched and pulled. You will grieve and celebrate. But you won't be the same."